Super Bowl LIII was technically a football game, but if you told someone that a team from Boston beat a team from Los Angeles 13-3 they’d probably assume you meant in baseball. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. Instead, America got to sit through sixty minutes of mediocre defense and an utterly terrible offensive display from both teams. I think reddit user /u/KenshireTheKid summed the game up quite well:
Out of all the super bowls
that was definitely one of them
Super Bowl LIII was the lowest scoring Super Bowl ever. Each team struggled to gain any significant field position until the second half, and 10 of the 16 combined points were scored by kickers. There were more punts, 21 total, than points. This was truly the title game the NFL deserved after two controversial conference championship games.
So let’s review what the Super Bowl had:
- Two elite starting quarterbacks
- Low combined score
- More drives than points
- More defense than offense
And what do most baseball games have?
- Two starting pitchers
- Low combined score
- More hits than runs
- More defense than offense
Folks, we watched a baseball game. A lousy, disgusting baseball game with only four exciting plays all game. For an interesting perspective on how such a baseball game might be characterized, take a look at this /r/baseball thread.
Upon closer inspection, this unholy sporting amalgamation reveals several interesting things:
First, the two teams that played in the 2018 Super Bowl hailed from the same cities as the teams competing in the 2018 World Series. And, not only did the same city (Boston) win both competitions, but the opposing city (Los Angeles) fields two teams in each sport. The Dodgers and the Rams both made their sport’s title game/series, and both come from their own respective National League/Conference. The other two teams, the Angels and the Chargers, both reside in the American League/Conference. Both of Boston’s teams come from the American League/Conference as well.
Second, if the Patriots were a baseball team they’d naturally play at Fenway. But they’re a football team and Fenway is for baseball, so no dice, right? Wrong. From 1963-68, the Boston Patriots played football at Fenway Park before moving to Alumni Stadium in 1969. While it’s been 50 years since the Pats played at the famous baseball diamond, football games are still held there, as recently as 2017.
Third, if I’m going to claim that Super Bowl LIII was actually a baseball game, I need a real baseball score from 2018 to back that up. Using data generously provided by Retrosheet, I sorted through every 2018 MLB regular and postseason game to find a final score of 13-3. Out of 2,464 games, there was exactly one with such a run tally: June 10th, 2018. Baltimore Orioles (3) at Toronto Blue Jays (13). 0.0004% of MLB games ended with such a score. Guess how many 2018 NFL regular or postseason games ended with a score of 13-3, or even 16 total combined points.
One.
In conclusion, Super Bowl LIII was a dumpster fire, was actually a baseball game, and featured a smattering of spooky coincidences so incredibly rare it can be used as proof that life is a simulation.
Thanks for reading! Follow me on Twitter @somekidadam to never miss a post. Special thanks to Sports-Reference.com and Retrosheet for all game data. The information used here was obtained free of charge from and is copyrighted by Retrosheet. Interested parties may contact Retrosheet at “www.retrosheet.org”.
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